No Regrets
by PixieGirl17
Summary: Chris ponders over whether he really deserves the destiny which he has been given and what may have happened if he had not lost his family in the fire...


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Demon Diaries

No Regrets

For **itachi159159**

"_Hey Chris!"_

_The voice sang out through the summer air to the future saviour of humankind who was lying down on the ground as if he was a normal teenage boy staring up at the sky of Raenef's grounds when he saw the blonde haired, blue eyed demon lord running towards him as if he was greeting an old school friend. He had to admit the more he behaved like this the more he liked him. He actually made things feel like it was a lot lighter than they actually were. He almost made him feel like a child again when he had been forced to grow up so quickly from the moment the high priest found him when he was a child. If he had never met him before he would not have thought of him as a demon lord but as an angel. Or he seemed to conform more to this stereotype rather than to that of a demon lord. Eclipse seemed more like a demon lord than the one whom he was serving. Before, he hated him on sight even though he didn't think that it was him that he was after but he had to admit he was actually beginning to like him now. He never thought this with all the hate which was instilled into him as a child, so it was rather amazing that he was able to let all of that go so easily. The same happened with Erutis after all. He might even consider him a friend now..._

"_Hey, Demon Lord."_

~ (***) ~

Chris drew pictures in the sand as he watched the world pass him by. That's all he could do now wasn't it? Just let the world pass him by as if he wasn't there. He would look up occasionally to see if anyone would actually look him in the eye. Even if they didn't know who he was. If they did they wouldn't even dare look in his direction. Or if anyone would dare turn to him and see if anyone was looking. It was all because he was 'sacred' but it made him feel like he had some disease or something. He felt like he was watching the rest of the world from inside a bubble. It seemed to be the only way he could pass the time around here. He should have been inside studying or perhaps he should be in temple praying to the Gods diligently. But even sometimes the chosen one wanted to get away from all that. He sometimes liked to get away from the temple and stretch his legs. Think. Sometimes he just wanted to get away from it all, despite his public displays of pride over his position in the temple but as the years went by it all got a little...old.

Sometimes it could be too confining in there. Even the Gods were able to hear you from outside the temple walls, so he couldn't see why he couldn't venture outside of those sacred places where he hid. Sometimes he even hated them for giving him the life that he had to endure. It wasn't easy being the position that he had and from such a young age as well. Most kids were able to go through the stages of having fun before getting serious and deciding what they wanted to do with their lives. He had to dive straight into it. He felt as if everyone was oppressing him with their lack of faith in him. He also, despite him being utterly accepting and completely embracing of his destiny, he felt like for someone of his age that it was too much responsibility. Even though he had many moments when he behaved and even believed that was far from the case. But he still had his other moments. It was almost as if he didn't want it from time to time. Be someone normal. Someone free from destiny. These people who passed him by who felt so low and insignificant didn't realise how lucky they had it. They probably dreamed of having a life like his own or one of the rich but they didn't realise the burdens which accompanied it.

He looked up to a sound which he heard passing him by, one which he wasn't used to hearing so often. He watched the families pass him along in the street laughing and smiling. Something which he never had. Besides, laughing and smiling, it was the comfort of a family which he lacked. He had something of a substitute in the Priests of the temples who raised him. Although it was sometimes like he had one too many Grandmothers raising him rather than having a good balance between siblings and the various members of the older generation. He needed balance. He needed to see what he was missing. He just had no choice in the matter when it came to his fate. He would have liked to have had a taste of the other life he could have had, even if it would have made the transition all the more painful. When he watched them he felt like a ghost. It was that sense of detachment but also longing which he felt which was the only reason why this was the only way he could describe logically how he felt. He was supposed to be a man of religion and there were many of those who didn't believe it walked hand in hand with logic but he still had that pragmatic approach to life. He watched them with blank eyes and with no emotion. He felt so empty but he also felt like he was missing out on something. Almost as if this destiny of his deprived him of something he would never know the pleasures of.

The picture of family, the very concept of it was something which was very alien to him because he could never recall having a family and only a destiny. He was found in the fields of death as a child. He couldn't even remember the disaster himself. The whole affair of it was traumatising as it was something of a mystery to him mainly because he could not remember the event itself. The first thing he could remember was the head priest walking towards him with a paternal, comforting smile on his face. It was all he knew. How depressing. He had nothing but this place. Wouldn't someone want more than this? More freedom? All he had was that temple. That is until he met Raenef. Then he had his castle and he had Erutis and Eclipse. He had gained so much more there than the years he spent in that temple, strange at it seems to say something like that. What a strange way round it was for him. Usually it was people with a family, something to lose not knowing they had a destiny. He was only bound to one thing and it was something which he had to travel alone. Most of the time it didn't bother him. He just got on with the life he had been given. Why should it? Why mourn something you couldn't even remember? Why feel a sense of loss or regret for something he had never even felt?

But still there was this sense of emptiness which always weighed down on his chest whenever he thought of the thing which he never had or knew. The fact that he had no memories of such a life made him feel as if he was missing out on something. After all people who had that seemed happier than he was. Maybe if he had that he wouldn't be wondering so much about it all. He would begin to wonder what it would be like if he could remember his family or if he had one at all. He wouldn't be able to stop until he had definite proof of one scenario or not. Perhaps he was an orphan? Or even the child of some whore who had left him on the streets to fend for himself? How would he ever know who he truly was? What was the point? He was told of this destiny that was who he was. People told him this as if all those other questions about the life he couldn't remember didn't matter. It still didn't stop that nagging thought in the back of his mind pounding down on his thoughts. How could they say that to a young child? Especially one as lonely as he was? Didn't he deserve a family to comfort him when he was scared and one to support him when he had to do something against his will? He wondered whether he would be like the boys in the street playing with his friends without a care in the world. That would be nice, to not have to worry about anything, to not have this burden and responsibility being carried on your shoulders.

~ (***) ~

"_Hey, how's it going?" He asked ignoring Chris' little insult. _

_He liked that he was always happy since his optimism almost seemed to be infective. If you stayed around for long enough you eventually caught onto it. Although it was different for every person as to how long they needed. Both he and Erutis were rather cynical people whereas Raenef was the complete opposite. However it only occurred to them after they left how less pessimistic they had become. It even opened his eyes a little to the things he would have never considered. Chris rolled onto his side to face Raenef thinking about how he was going to answer his question. One would have thought that a simple answer would suffice but actual consideration of the person asking the question and the nature of the problem itself was a good enough reason to approach this with caution. He could approach this in a lot of ways or he could just be honest with him. Sometimes when you lied to Raenef he went along with something for as long as it could pan out until it got him into trouble or somehow he could just tell. He would still go along with it for a while but eventually he would say something which would suggest that he knew all along that you were lying. He had been like this since he got into a relationship with Eclipse. He didn't find it surprising yet he couldn't deny that it was a strange match, not to mention a little creepy. He was glad Raenef had no parents since they would have definitely gotten involved. _

_Chris shrugged his shoulders. "I can't complain I suppose."_

"_Why would you be complaining?" Raenef asked innocently. _

_Chris sniggered. "I'm sure you're the only one who would understand that one."_

_Raenef blinked. "Huh?"_

_Chris gave him a curious look. Maybe he hadn't noticed it yet. Or maybe he did he was just able to handle it better than Chris. He hated that. A demon lord was able to deal with his problems better than his 'foe'. Maybe it was the fact that a demon lord didn't really have that many responsibilities than someone in Chris' position. When he turned back to Raenef he felt a little pang of guilt at that hateful thought knowing that wasn't entirely true._

"_It's not easy being the 'chosen one'." He said finally after a long silence. _

_Raenef tilted his head. "What do you mean?"_

"_Well despite all the pluses and whatnot I still think it lacks in a few little freedoms."_

"_I'm sure it can get better with time." Raenef assured him._

_Wasn't that a wonderful thought? Wouldn't that be lovely for him? He knew this was something for him to lean on for a while but he knew deep down this was something which he couldn't depend on in the long run because he knew that things were just going to get harder for him. It was just the way that the world ran. Things were always guaranteed to get harder and harder until you reached old age when you were too weak and fragile to have to deal with such things. _

_Chris gave him a little cynical smile. "Yeah sure."_

~ (***) ~

Perhaps he wouldn't mind that? Or helping his father or mother with the work they had been given in life. What was his father like? Or his mother? Was she beautiful? Was he a good man? Did he have any brothers or sisters? Were they older or younger than him? Did they sing to him before he went to sleep? That would be difficult but he was sure he would be able to deal with it. Were they happy? Or perhaps he was even the son of a rich man and would be in his room studying anyway. If that was the case his life probably wouldn't be that much different to how it was now. He would still have some form of a responsibility to carry. There were so many possibilities to who he could be that there was no way of knowing. He couldn't have any idea of the life he could have had which brought him to the dilemma of whether he should actually bother wondering about this. There was no way of him being able to speculate because there were too many scenarios which he could fall under when there was only one answer but it was impossible for it to be found. There was almost no point in him thinking over this because of the number of possibilities. He had a good life with in the Order as well. Even though they punished him a number of times they still cared about him as a family would. It was almost like a disease, he would sometimes find a way to get over it and move on but every so often it would keep coming back to haunt him.

Then there were those questions of the future. That was another thing he had to think about, despite his lack of concern for it since it really only concerned other people rather than himself. It involved him having to do something but only for other people. It was a selfish thought but what did he get out of it? People could go to seers for the questions he had about himself but he wasn't even sure they would be able to give him the answers he desired. That was the problem though, some seers lied to you because they knew from the look on your face that you only desired a lie opposed to the truth. He knew he had a 'destiny' but what happened after that? Didn't he have a life after that? Or a peaceful, uneventful ending not exciting enough? Would you become someone else or did the hero always have to die? What if he didn't die? What if he lived after his job was done? What then? What was he supposed to do after all of this was finished? He couldn't even contemplate the life that he could have after all of this was finished. How was someone to begin a new life when for the past few years the first part of his life was already planned out for him? How were you to begin? And what of love? Was he ever going to love? Did he even know what it was like? How would he ever know if he was in love?

In his young mind he couldn't understand why such a thing would occur to him but this was a mere sign that he was growing up since this was something which would only occur to someone at a certain age. It was the oldest desire and wish in the book and all humans yearned for it. He knew that one day it was likely he was going to be no exception. There was going to be someone who would come into his life and he wouldn't be able to help himself. He might be able to prevent himself from acting upon his desires but he wasn't going to stop himself from thinking or denying them. He had been bound to a life to the Priesthood more or less so he was expected to live a life of celibacy just as the other priests had done. Or that was what he presumed. There was no talk of it but he was sure that it was going to come up eventually. He dreaded it though since he couold picture it going really uncomfortably with the high priest (who didn't know anything about the subject). Something which was forced upon, which could make it seem almost justified for him to question whether it was fair for him to be bound to such a life. It was the only way to 'stay pure' which was what he needed to be if he was going to fulfil this prophecy he had been tied to. But what if he did fall in love? What if that was part of the real plan? People spoke of soul-mates and star-crossed lovers, did this apply to him too?

Although he couldn't bring himself to willingly do such a thing. He would be afraid of betraying the rest of the Order if this ever happened and pursed his passions. Sometimes he hated his destiny but he didn't hate it enough to want to willingly let them down. He would never do that to all them who worked every day of their lives for the same reason he was supposed to be. But then again even they broke these rules as well. Even though it was not enough to give him licence to do so, he still wondered whether he had been robbed of this along with so many other things he couldn't do. It was a sad thought really, considering all those people who cared for you being the biggest betrayers of your life. He didn't know what was going to happen next. He didn't know whether he was going to go out one day or a girl would come wondering into the temple and that would be it.

He simply didn't know, like with his past, whether this was something he should allow to bother him. He capable of doing these things and perhaps he would do them but he would immediately feel guilty if he did. Even if there was nothing remotely immoral about him doing so. He would just be committing the crime of abandoning his fate. It was a funny thought really. To think that the Gods had robbed him of something rather than giving him one of the greatest of gifts. Most people would have thought that he was being ungrateful. Something which so many people wish that they had. He just couldn't help feeling there was something more which he could've had rather than this life. Sometimes there could be something wonderful to be found within simplicity. People had told him that one day he would achieve the greatest of glories and live in the memories and legends which would echo throughout eternity. He could have everything.

But at the same time he would have nothing as well. Despite all that glory and being immortalised in poems, stories and legends and so on and so forth they would all mean nothing. They were just words. They weren't something which he could hold, taste, touch or smell. They were something which he could never appreciate. It was something he could never experience it would only be something which was loosely based upon his actions. It would all be exploitation. Even a blind man could see that. Even the least wise could figure out the logic in that dilemma. He knew that if he went to any man, without telling him what it is he was supposed to fulfil they would know that his fate was nothing to be desired. However this was still something he couldn't help but feel that he was missing something. It was like walking into your bedroom you would look around, unconsciously checking that everything was where it was supposed to be, that everything was in order. Then you realised a split second later that something was gone or out of place. You had no idea what it was but you had this nagging feeling that something was wrong. He couldn't explain why he felt like this but all he knew that it was true. He had never had any romantic notions or feelings towards anyone but that didn't rule out the possibility of it ever occurring. He could dare to go to a seer to discover if this was a the case but he had a feeling he didn't want to know.

As much as his 'fate' had already been written in stone, there were still some things which were missed out of those pages. He knew that not the entire story could or would be told. There were some things which were missed out deliberately. The thing about heroes was that they were too pristine. There was something else which was being hidden away from the readers. Something which would ruin that perfect image that they had of them in their minds. You never knew what was going to happen in the future. Another funny thing, people seemed like they knew so much about his destiny when really they were only reading off what a prophet had said. They spoke of his glories but they found no mention of his challenges. Those were the things he had to find out about on his own. He looked down at the ground to see if he had created anything with his 'artistic' abilities. It was nothing. Just squiggles. Just doodles which meant nothing. He smiled at the very concept. In the grand scheme of things he was...nothing. He didn't really matter any more than the old blind man walking down the other side of the street. Everyone thought differently but no matter how many scrolls or books they read could deny this one fact they wanted to avoid. All because they needed a saviour.

~ (***) ~

_It was nice here in the summer time. It always seemed like the summer time here, except when the Dad of Raenef's or his predecessor or whoever he was came in. That was the only time when things seemed to go a little dark around here... _

"_What are you two discussing?" Said a dark voice. _

_Chris jumped at the sound of his voice and turned to see a familiar dark figure looming over them. Why did he have to do things like this? He was a famous enough demon as it was he didn't need to assert it any more than he already was with his mysterious, dramatic entrances. Chris supposed he had to impress a certain someone now but he would always be there to tell him if need be that he didn't need to try any harder. Raenef already worshipped him enough. He kissed the ground he walked on practically when it should be the other way round. Raenef seemed to brighten at his presence and scampered over to him. Chris sat there and watched them with complete fascination opposed to disgust and annoyance._

"_Eclipse!"_

_Chris watched the fairly innocent exchange between the couple and scratched his head. He was never going to be able to understand how this happened but there was no need to debate over it. They were both happy. _

"_Chris and I are just having a little talk." Raenef explained. _

_That could be an understatement. This was perhaps the most serious conversation he had had with Raenef. He was making it sound like they were talking about the best recipe for a lemon flavoured cupcake..._

_Eclipse smirked. "I see and I suppose the young apprentice doesn't want me knowing the details."_

_Chris looked up and saw a dangerous expression on his face as if to say that he knew that he had to confess everything within the next five seconds otherwise he would destroy him on the very spot. Then again that would be a good way to solve all his problems..._

_Raenef shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. Chris you don't mind Eclipse knowing do you? He might be even be able to help you more than I can!"_

"_Hey! Hey! It's fine! You don't have to trouble yourselves!" He replied in panic. _

_Eclipse seemed to be finding all of this amusing, of course, he enjoyed making Chris cower in fear considering their first confrontation. Why couldn't he just let that go? Or maybe it was him walking around like he was a God on earth...?_

"_Well you came here asking for the advice of the young master so there's no need to beat about the bush about it." Eclipse replied, looking a little annoyed (then again he always looked like this when Chris was around). _

_Chris scratched the back of his head. "Well...It's nothing really. It's just me angsting." He joked. _

_It was a good a excuse as any, you could call all this second thinking about a result of teenage angst (or he was sure that was what people were calling it)._

_Eclipse smiled. "Shouldn't you be taking this up with the high priest then?"_

_Chris' smile faded and turned away quickly. "I can't talk to him about it."_

"_Why not?"_

_Now that was a stupid question to ask. He surely knew the answer to that one. He was just asking so he could have the pleasure of hearing the answer._

"_He won't exactly be happy about it..."_

_And that was truly, utterly, completely, undeniably, without-a-doubt, the understatement of the century..._

~ (***) ~

He sighed and threw the stick away. Without thinking, without a moments hesitation he got up and began to walk through the streets aimlessly, wondering like a lost lamb trying to find its way home though it knew it was going in the wrong direction. He just wanted to get away from it all. He wanted to assert the fact to himself that to some degree he still had that free will. Just a little bit of it. For moment he would be able to have the ability to walk away from it all simply because he had that right as much as everyone else. It was the least _they _could do. Even if it wasn't for very long. Even if only a few moments later he would turn around and walk back home. He didn't care he just wanted to know that for a moment he could take his destiny into his own hands. He wanted to turn his mind to something real. In a way he wanted to see what it was he was supposed to save.

He had become so detached from the world now that he really needed a reason to know that he was saving something precious. All the priests at the temple were worried that he would fall in with one of the local gangs, get addicted to some opiate or fall under forbidden wasn't like some of them did this every now and then but the boy that was destined to save the world was certainly not allowed to have his vices. He could see why all things considers he was never really curious about those sorts of things either but he still felt it was a little hypocritical on their part. They could at least allow him to have a little freedom but still he could only dream...


End file.
